BY: Pat Cooper
Couples Counseling / Featured
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Conflict in a relationship can be healthy, natural, and helpful for building intimacy, but only when both partners are committed to resolving the issue. If your partner refuses or is resistant to making healthy changes, you must assess the overall health of your marriage, as well as your partner. Here are the essential dos and don’ts that can lead to civil conflict resolution with your spouse today.
What You Should Do
- Set the tone and speak to each other face-to-face
- Work through different conflict resolution strategies
- Get rid of all the potential distractions in the room
- Voice the conflict as a concern, not a complaint
- Remember the three F’s: Fact, Feeling, and Fair Request
- Take time to reflect on each other’s concerns and emotions
- Ask for clarification if you need it, don’t nod your head pretending to listen
- Remember that you’re on the same team and offer each other support and guidance throughout the civil conflict resolution
- Brainstorm how you can avoid the same conflicts in the future
- Thank each other for taking the time to listen and peacefully resolve the conflict
Actions You Should Avoid
- Using deflections to get off topic and bringing up your own concerns
- Calling each other names and using defamatory terms
- Personally insulting each other’s character during an argument
- Using dismissive body language
- Involving your children or friends (solve this conflict together)
- Arguing under the influence of drugs or alcohol
- Working on conflict resolution when you’re hungry, tired, or upset
- Attempting to work through conflict resolution over text messages or phone calls
- Bringing up more than one issue at a time
If you feel like your arguments involve more of the actions you should avoid than the ones you should do, you may be in an unhealthy relationship. Take a quick non-clinical assessment to find out more.
Conflict is natural in every relationship; these periods can help you grow and learn as partners. However, it’s crucial you maintain a civil conflict resolution to avoid fighting with one another and causing irreversible harm to your relationship. To learn how you can work together to resolve issues you may be facing, schedule a consultation for couples therapy in Dallas today.
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If you’ve been in a committed relationship for two, seven, or even fifteen years, you know that there can be dry spells that both you and your partner experience. This doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of love in your relationship, but you might be noticing some friction that wasn’t there before. Let’s talk about the importance of couples’ communication and the five things that happen when you start forgetting to date your spouse.
1. They Forget That You’re Into Them
If you stopped calling and texting when you and your partner were “dating,” they would probably think you weren’t interested in them. The same thing happens when you stop dating your spouse. If you don’t prioritize open communication and together time, they may start to feel like you’re no longer into them. It’s vital to have regular date nights planned, so you both have something to look forward to. You and your partner can rest easy knowing that the other is still interested and wants to spend time with you.
2. You Are Unsatisfied With Your Sex Life
Intimacy is crucial to any relationship. If you stop dating your spouse, your sex life might begin to suffer. But, when you don’t prioritize your partner, they may feel underappreciated and less likely to be “in the mood.” Honesty and open communication are critical to a healthy sex life; be straightforward with your partner about how you’re feeling and what you are looking for.
3. They No Longer Work To Impress You
When you first start dating, you want your new partner to think the best of you; you work harder to impress them. After you’ve been together for a few years, though, you may feel like you don’t have to try as hard. While it’s great to feel comfortable being yourself around your partner, this doesn’t mean you should stop making an effort. When you date your spouse, it gives you both an opportunity to look nice for and impress your partner once again, which can help rekindle your relationship.
4. They Stop Pursuing You
When you don’t go out and spend quality time with your spouse, they may begin to feel like you are taking them for granted. If you’re not going to make an effort for the relationship, why should they? Everyone wants to feel desired. But, if you don’t take the time to pursue your spouse, they won’t return the favor. Make your partner feel wanted, and they’ll do the same for you.
5. They Forget Why They Married You In The First Place
When you stop appreciating the relationship you have with your partner, they may begin to question why they’re still with you. Relationships thrive on conversation and shared experiences; these are the things that got you to the altar in the first place. If you take away the lifeblood of the relationship, you are leaving the relationship starved from the very things that created it. Memories of the good times aren’t enough to keep your relationship healthy.
It’s time to get your relationship back on track! With couples counseling, you will gain the tools needed to communicate better, improve your work/life balance, and be more intimate. Contact our Dallas counseling office today to book your first appointment!
BY: Anna Taylor
Couples Communication / Couples Counseling
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Why don’t I feel good after we “agree to disagree?”
Many times when individuals come into couples counseling, I hear the dreaded well, “ we will just have to agree to disagree.” The only problem with this is that it is said with disappointment and contempt. Stop throwing in the “agree to disagree towel” Read More “Is “Agreeing to Disagree” Causing a Communication Breakdown?””
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Is your marriage worth saving? Many times couples or individuals come into counseling with this very question at hand. Looking straight at me, hoping I will provide them with a definite and concrete answer of yes or no. Often these same individuals have been contemplating each scenario over and over for years. Here is the answer to the question… Read More “Read This Before You Give Up On Your Marriage”