civil conflict resolution 05 Jan 2020

Couples Counseling / Featured

Conflict in a relationship can be healthy, natural, and helpful for building intimacy, but only when both partners are committed to resolving the issue. If your partner refuses or is resistant to making healthy changes, you must assess the overall health of your marriage, as well as your partner. Here are the essential dos and don’ts that can lead to civil conflict resolution with your spouse today.


What You Should Do

  • Set the tone and speak to each other face-to-face
  • Work through different conflict resolution strategies
  • Get rid of all the potential distractions in the room
  • Voice the conflict as a concern, not a complaint
  • Remember the three F’s: Fact, Feeling, and Fair Request
  • Take time to reflect on each other’s concerns and emotions
  • Ask for clarification if you need it, don’t nod your head pretending to listen
  • Remember that you’re on the same team and offer each other support and guidance throughout the civil conflict resolution
  • Brainstorm how you can avoid the same conflicts in the future
  • Thank each other for taking the time to listen and peacefully resolve the conflict


Actions You Should Avoid

  • Using deflections to get off topic and bringing up your own concerns
  • Calling each other names and using defamatory terms
  • Personally insulting each other’s character during an argument
  • Using dismissive body language
  • Involving your children or friends (solve this conflict together)
  • Arguing under the influence of drugs or alcohol
  • Working on conflict resolution when you’re hungry, tired, or upset
  • Attempting to work through conflict resolution over text messages or phone calls
  • Bringing up more than one issue at a time


If you feel like your arguments involve more of the actions you should avoid than the ones you should do, you may be in an unhealthy relationship. Take a quick non-clinical assessment to find out more.

Conflict is natural in every relationship; these periods can help you grow and learn as partners. However, it’s crucial you maintain a civil conflict resolution to avoid fighting with one another and causing irreversible harm to your relationship. To learn how you can work together to resolve issues you may be facing, schedule a consultation for couples therapy in Dallas today.